By the By

Don't tell me to take a cab to a boy's house by telling me you will drive me to work in the morning if you don't intend to answer your phone in the morning.

Around and Through

So I have gotten really good at not being with Boy 1. I proved it to myself (and fortunately enough, to him) last night when he came by to tell me the interesting news...Well, he said he had some news I would love. It was that Rebecca texted him. Wow. I'm shocked. Thanks, Firsty, for that bit of stunning news. (Please read with excessive sarcasm, thanks) I didn't actually say that, I just feigned a little middling interest and then went back to talking to Boy 2 at the bar.

That's right, I'm really bad at not being with Boy 2. I got spent the night at his last night, which was a bad idea, as I spent all my cigarette and food money on a cab back into downtown. And I can still taste and smell man. Even though we didn't have sex. Apparently, getting under someone to get over someone else puts you in a position like this.

(Except that I actually slept with Boy 2 long before I even met Boy 1 and I didn't intend to use Boy 2 to get over Boy 1, he just helped a lot, not by taking my mind off it as much as just giving me a little bit of perspective. The hardest thing about just sleeping with a guy like Two is that he's such an amazing person, it's hard to retain that distance, although it is inescapably necessary. Damn.)

Over(t)ly So

I think way too much for my own good. And I'm gonna hurt myself.

Here's what I know, Boy 1 (of "old-woman-loving fame) is calling up to ask me out for a drink and Boy 2 (of the "just-found-out-he's-a-daddy" club) is still calling me beautiful.

But I don't think it'd be smart for me to be with either right now.

Plus, Boy 2 plays pool and has been trying to get me to play, and he's a bit of a know it all, so I'd get real pissy real fast, but I think I just might find a lonely, secluded pool table to play with and reteach myself how not to lay too much english.

Cupdate

There has been very little mention of the whole dating thing with Boy, except that he said he was "trying to love me". I had told him I was broken, and he responded by being exceptionally wonderful. At which point I, of course, got prickly and unfair when he complimented me. and he said, "I am just trying to love you." But it was similar to last time in that he sorta just said it as he was walking out of the room and I was drifting off into tear-streaked sleep. (Well, the last incident was laughter, this one was tears. Sue me.) So I got up and asked, "What did you just say?!" It was kinda surreal. I feel like I'm in a movie. I told him I did love him. He said he loved me, too. And then added, "more than you know."

So the question is: Is it foolish for a broken girl to hook up with broken-for-now Boy? Even if he's broken for a reason and for awhile, as opposed to my being broken forever and just because I'm me? Can a sometime-broken guy break me further, or would I be in danger of pushing him closer to broken-for-good?

On a lighter note, should I start playing pool again?

Hindi

Apparently I'm going to start blogging in Hindi now.

Not really. I just think it's funny, 'cause of the fact that my white, middle-American filter said, "Why the fuck would anyone want to blog in Hindi? Are there that many Hindi bloggers out there? I mean really?" I'm such a wasp...

Anyway. Here's the fast and quick version, since I'm sick of talking about it.

Rebecca is the mother of a good friend of mine from high school. (And by good friend, I mean I wouldn't run the other way if I saw her walking towrd me on the street. Unless she was with her mom, but I'll explain that in a sec.) She's a hairdresser, so when she offered to give me a flapper bob for New Year's Eve, I was thrilled. And she raved about some boy, some 24 year old boy that she was sleeping with. When I went in for my appointment, she told me about how he stole her lingerie and a miniskirt and was an idiot and she had made out with a theatre designer much closer to her age and was very hungover (reassuring when you're getting your hair done, let me tell you).

Anyway, not 3 days later, I was hanging out in the bar and started a friendly conversation with Jake, the man sitting next to me, very cute, kinda funny, drinking a beer and about to go to the same concert I was going to go to. We went together and started hanging out every dayand sleeping together and my friends started calling him my boyfriend. Here's the weird thing. He is the twenty-four year old lover who stole the clothes. Rebecca said (to Jakein text form) "the cow says moo. do you like that? you make me sick" and later, my personal favorite, "how's the grand canyon?" She's 48 and she's less mature than my 16 year old sister. I pitied her more than anything else.

But then she came up to me one night wasted at the bar saying I needed to dump Jake, he was an asshole and the other night when he told me he was at home, he was really fucking her (and I quote, "no, Sam, really fucking me all night long." Classy). Anyway. I told her it was no biggie. I didn't care who Jake fucked, I knew he was an asshole, which is why I always referred to him as my lover and not my boyfriend. Although before Papa's best friend died, I was starting to get caught up in it.

And the woman has ignored me ever since, except for a drunken apology and a slur on Jake, who I still consider my friend, although I can't have sex with him any more, since it makes him act all weird and shit, which is a whole other story.

Anyway, well before I met Jake I had what I thought at the time was a one night stand with a guy I saw at the bar all the time. We became sorta friends in passing, and the one night stand has turned into a bonafide on-again-off-again stand of indeterminite length, which may have taken a bit of a hop into the dating realm last night, when he told me "maybe we should just date each other." Actually it went like this:

Me: (inane conversation, drunken giggling)

Him: (more inane conversation, funny laughter)

M: (laughing at his funny laughter)

H: Maybe we should just date each other.

M: (more inane conversation)

H: (mass inanity, how many times can we use that word?)

M: What do you mean "maybe we should just date each other"?(!)

H: We shouldn't talk about this like this tonight when we're drunk.

Exeunt, with flourish

The End. As in WoW! I don't know how I feel about it. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm scared and I hope it doesn't come up again. But I know if he doesn't bring it up, I'll have to. Becase I'm a talker througher and rational to a fault and I know that I need to weigh the options now, and if saying no to dating means never being with him again, I have to say yes...Does that mean I want to date him, or just that I don't want the good thing to end? Is that the same thing?